No, Thank YOU

It only took one tiny bug to change my world. My life quickly withered to work, rest, sweat, recuperate, over-extend, fall over, sleep, repeat. It has been more than convenient to work from home with my loyal confidante as my business partner. 

Rett has been there to scrape me off the dirt when I did too much, to get me to bed safely when my vision went squirrelly. He took me to the hospital when I couldn't bear to sit up straight. He has made my meals and encouraged me to rest, rest, rest. 

Early on in my sickness, my neighbor gifted me with invaluable advice. She said that when people offer to help you, take it because you are doing them a favor. It is a gift and an irreplaceable fuzzy feeling to help someone in need. It is important to humble oneself and admit the need for assistance. For those who want to help, let them.   

I have had friends show up at my front door with weed-whackers in tow and many folks have lent a hand working at the market. I have been gifted bone broth, art work, blankets, and ice cream. I am eager to return the favors once I am well. 

I always thought my energy was the most vital piece of me. I wasn’t that good at school, I fall asleep when I read, and I could never sit still long enough to learn a musical instrument. But I know how to work hard, and I have learned the most from doing, moving, and busting ass. I valued not who I am, but what I could accomplish in a day. Lyme Disease has stripped me of my most valuable characteristic. 
When Lyme hit home, as farmers, we quickly realized that work was not the most important thing. We neglected certain crops and stopped having friends over. We learned that being sweet and supportive was the most important thing to do. I may not have the energy to do the dishes, but I can be nice most of the time and most of the time that is enough. 

It turns out people don't love you less when you aren't able to do what you used to. In fact, they may love you more or have more reason to show it. 

Even with receiving high quality care, I was on the fence about farming this season. I am passionate about my work and can’t imagine doing anything else.  While I have started to see pieces of myself coming back, I have decided to move forward but go smaller this season. I have an excellent community and tremendous employees that have made this possible.

It is important for me to recognize though I am not where I want to be, I am still improving. Recently I went out after dark to see some live music with old friends. This is something I wouldn't have considered doing months prior. I have never been so sober at a concert venue, and yet I found myself becoming so overwhelmed with nausea that I vomited in the bathroom stall and then again in the parking lot. I had gallbladder surgery a week later. 
Every woman on both sides of my family has had Cholecystitis, inflammation of the gallbladder that resulted in removal of the organ. I had mine yanked at a much earlier age than the women who came before me, and we are certain that Lyme has had everything to do with it. 

Again, I have had to say yes to offers of meals, fond company, healing crystals, cards and homemade pie.  Being sick has forced me to allow others to show me love me despite my own frustration with myself. 

Though I get disheartened with not being who I used to be, I am constantly reminded that I am still lovable and that has lightened my load more than anything. Thank you for helping me, help you, help me.